88888 Dorothy & Toto Boulevard
Topeka, Kansas 66605
Christmas, 2030 A.D.
Dear Virginia,
At 8, I'm getting a little old to believe in Santa Claus anymore, but recently I have been wanting to believe in anything good in the fervent hope that the Kansas authorities won't put my mother in jail for taking me to a movie. You see, we came upon hard times last summer after unfortunate circumstances which I won't go into now, but to make a long story short, we had to go on welfare. The problem is that I had been saving up money to see Disney's animated version of the "Wizard of Oz," which had been promoted for months, as you probably know, and which was released last Thanksgiving. I got my money by sweeping up our neighbor's yard from time to time and washing my uncle's car 3 or 4 times, as well as a little allowance that Mom gave me.
At the time, Mom said I might have to go by myself, because of an old Kansas law that puts people on assistance in jail if they use welfare money to go to the movies. Reluctantly, I said, "OK, but isn't there another law that says 8-year-olds can't go anywhere by themselves?" Mom nodded in the affirmative, and said, "Well, maybe, you'll just have to wait for the DVD." She thought the Kansas Legislature, back in the Year 2015, may have forgotten to include DVDs in their long list of things that people on assistance can't partake in or buy. "Mom, I really want to go to this movie, I have really been longing to go for months; this would be the most wonderful Thanksgiving of my life." Mom was firm, though, "The law is the law," she said. However, I was not deterred, Virginia, and I came up with a solution: "Mom, I'll pay your way with my piggy bank money." Mom paused for a few seconds, and then said, "Great idea, let's go."
After we left the movie, which was wonderful by the way, the Homeland Security "Cultural Police," which if you know your modern history was created during the Hillary years (Madam President actually tried to pocket veto the bill that created them, but it became law through a technicality), caught up with us. I guess the tell-tell sign was either Mom's clothes or mine's as they probably looked a little too drab or Good Will-like, but anyway they started asking us questions about whether we were welfare folks or not. Mom sheepishly admitted that we were. "Well," one of the policemen said, with a kind of a fiendish grin on his face, "You're going to have to account for the money that got you into the Topeka Theater." Mom smiled and said, "No worries, my daughter earned every penny of this money."
The policeman asked, "How -- she doesn't exactly look wage-earning age, yet?" "Odd jobs." "Did that include allowances?" Beginning to look a little worried, Mom answered, "Yeah, but only a little." "And did the allowances come from welfare money?" "Yes sir, but it was only a fraction of the total, and it was just to teach her responsibility and to learn a little about money." "That's not my problem, ma'am." The next thing you know, Mom received a summons to appear in Court for "Going To a Movie Using Welfare Allocations," and now she could face a year in jail, all because she wanted to do something special for me, her one and only child, on Thanksgiving. "It's not fair, Virginia, I hope Santa Claus makes this all go away. Sheesh, that old law is still making holidays miserable for folks like us."
Your Pen-pal,
Dorothy
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Related blog: "Poet/Playwright/Politico"
[Revised on 4/16/15.]
Topeka, Kansas 66605
Christmas, 2030 A.D.
Dear Virginia,
At 8, I'm getting a little old to believe in Santa Claus anymore, but recently I have been wanting to believe in anything good in the fervent hope that the Kansas authorities won't put my mother in jail for taking me to a movie. You see, we came upon hard times last summer after unfortunate circumstances which I won't go into now, but to make a long story short, we had to go on welfare. The problem is that I had been saving up money to see Disney's animated version of the "Wizard of Oz," which had been promoted for months, as you probably know, and which was released last Thanksgiving. I got my money by sweeping up our neighbor's yard from time to time and washing my uncle's car 3 or 4 times, as well as a little allowance that Mom gave me.
At the time, Mom said I might have to go by myself, because of an old Kansas law that puts people on assistance in jail if they use welfare money to go to the movies. Reluctantly, I said, "OK, but isn't there another law that says 8-year-olds can't go anywhere by themselves?" Mom nodded in the affirmative, and said, "Well, maybe, you'll just have to wait for the DVD." She thought the Kansas Legislature, back in the Year 2015, may have forgotten to include DVDs in their long list of things that people on assistance can't partake in or buy. "Mom, I really want to go to this movie, I have really been longing to go for months; this would be the most wonderful Thanksgiving of my life." Mom was firm, though, "The law is the law," she said. However, I was not deterred, Virginia, and I came up with a solution: "Mom, I'll pay your way with my piggy bank money." Mom paused for a few seconds, and then said, "Great idea, let's go."
After we left the movie, which was wonderful by the way, the Homeland Security "Cultural Police," which if you know your modern history was created during the Hillary years (Madam President actually tried to pocket veto the bill that created them, but it became law through a technicality), caught up with us. I guess the tell-tell sign was either Mom's clothes or mine's as they probably looked a little too drab or Good Will-like, but anyway they started asking us questions about whether we were welfare folks or not. Mom sheepishly admitted that we were. "Well," one of the policemen said, with a kind of a fiendish grin on his face, "You're going to have to account for the money that got you into the Topeka Theater." Mom smiled and said, "No worries, my daughter earned every penny of this money."
The policeman asked, "How -- she doesn't exactly look wage-earning age, yet?" "Odd jobs." "Did that include allowances?" Beginning to look a little worried, Mom answered, "Yeah, but only a little." "And did the allowances come from welfare money?" "Yes sir, but it was only a fraction of the total, and it was just to teach her responsibility and to learn a little about money." "That's not my problem, ma'am." The next thing you know, Mom received a summons to appear in Court for "Going To a Movie Using Welfare Allocations," and now she could face a year in jail, all because she wanted to do something special for me, her one and only child, on Thanksgiving. "It's not fair, Virginia, I hope Santa Claus makes this all go away. Sheesh, that old law is still making holidays miserable for folks like us."
Your Pen-pal,
Dorothy
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Related blog: "Poet/Playwright/Politico"
[Revised on 4/16/15.]
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